† †• Gallery of Suicide •† †

10:20PM

Alchemy

"The art of alchemy was handed down through the centuries from Egypt and Arabia to Greece and Rome, and finally to western and central Europe. The word is derived from the Arabian phrase "al-kimia," which refers to the preparation of the Stone or Elixir by the Egyptians. The Arabic root "kimia" comes from the Coptic "khem" that alluded to the fertile black soil of the Nile delta. Esoterically and hieroglyphically, the word refers to the dark mystery of the primordial or First Matter (the Khem)."

(1 thought | scar me)

6:11PM - Following yesterday.

<sub>Is it an illusion to believe Spirit is dynamic just because mental experience is. I came across a description today that follows ..the relationship between Spirit and ego as a flower reflected in a crystal. “Only ignorance can attribute to the crystal the qualities of the flower (form, dimension, colour). When the object (flower) moves, its image moves in the crystal, though the latter remains motionless.”

However with this view, human experience appears to be meaningless. If Spirit is free why suffer in ignorance or to struggle for freedom we already possess.

Unless we’re not talking about Spirit, we’re talking about Soul.

Spirit being a sharp, more shaped reflection of the soul, a shapeless primordial state. Spirit incorporating True Will one of the Many aspects of Soul. Like the Mind is a reflection to the basic aspects of the spirit.

And then follow on to yesterdays entry.

I feel like I'm writing a story backwards! Starting with complete understanding, and degrading to the How So's. If I keep these writing they're going to make more sense if I reverse the order I've posted in.

But that's the way things go in the grand aspect I believe :P

And then there is Buddhism, which has entirely done away with ‘soul-spirit’ and has States of Consciousness… yay new kettle of fish, and next chapter along the lines or regression?</sub>

(1 thought | scar me)

5:44PM - Todays readings -Refrences follow under a 'freinds-only' viewable post

"Final liberation cannot be obtained without experience of a preliminary stage of “cosmicization”; one cannot pass directly from chaos to freedom.” p97

“He who renounces feels not lessened thereby, but enriched- for the force he gains by renouncing any pleasure far exceeds the pleasure that he has renounced.
He who renounces secular life finally finds himself rich in magical forces, but he who succumbs to the desire to use them ultimately remains a mere magician without power to surpass himself.
These powers are perfections in the waking state, but represent obstacles in the state of samadhi- all possession implies bondage to the thing possessed.” P89-90

(1 thought | scar me)

8:06PM - 'Ramblings of a disfigured mind'

<sub>confusing freedom with de-evolution is so easy.

breaking away from the primordial substance, becoming individualised, becoming ignorant to emphasis the seperation.

intellect or realisation. intellect is the way of the ignorant. it has to be seen to be seperate from realisation.

rambling of the dissasociated.

I'm sick of living in this self-induced chaos.

How much longer will I want to indulge in this illusion.
Existence or True existence.

But I'd still rather sit in the void seperated than return to the primordial substance. I feel here I can still change my True Self.
Not realise it, because True Self is your aspect of the primordial substance. And there's no changing that as a whole, But by seperating ourselves from it and experiencing ourselves subjectively as individual aspects that make up this whole, as individual aspects through this Material plane we can change the foundation of what that primordial substance is by changing the true aspect of our individualised selves.

Why would we want to change ourself (the primordial substance). Why else would we choose to experience the material plane?

Reiterating on a past post: The final step in evolution, de-evolution.
part 2- Reincarnation
Sometimes you have to take a few steps back to go forward.
When you have experienced everything there is to experience, when your everything you could ever be, you can take a few steps backwards and stumble down another path, perhaps with different unforeseeable experiences and renewed, grow again to something different.

part 1- Universal
The 'whole', separated, divided itself into infinite individualised consciousness. Confined in this separation. Trying to create unforeseeable experiences. Hiding the answers so the questions can be created. It's the questions that are the crowning glory of creation. Our self-induced ignorance of ourselves is leading us to shape ourself in a differnt way.

It's created a situation where it's still evolving be devolving.
Beautiful.

I'm sure I'll edit this later, just a ramble I had to put on paper.</sub>

(scar me)

6:18PM - Todays readings

I'm in love with this book, will post details later, here's a few random exerts.

"He who has no feeling of egoism, and whose mind is not tainted, even though he kills (all) these people, kills not, is not fettered (by the action)"
"One who know's this, although he commits very much evil, consumes it all and becomes clean and pure, ageless and immortal."

"the origin of the system should be sought in an analysis of the constitutive elements of human experience, conducted from the point of view of distinguishing between the elements that forsake man at death and those that are "immortal" in the sense they acompany the soul in it's destiny beyond the grave."

(scar me)

7:33PM - Have you experienced it like I have?

'Today, a young man on acid realised that all matter is just energy condensed to a slow vibration - that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death ; life is only a dream ...... we are the imagination of ourselves .'

(4 thoughts | scar me)

8:25PM - To write is to control the chaos.

To write is to control the chaos. It’s the first step of majick. When we write about chaos we are in fact shaping the idea of it and bringing it into our reality. Putting it into solid words. Creating a physical form from a chaotic idea.

(scar me)

11:31PM - Awakening. It can take one thought to change the world.

Ordered beings understanding chaos is a bit of a paradox.

But now I understand it to be more of an awakening.

Last week was torturous. Like there was a piece of chaos sitting in my brain blurring the veil of reality, showing glimpses of what was underneath. Chaos, pure chaos. It was like I'd picked up the book of my life, picked it up and flipped to the middle page, the middle page is where it starts and you start reading toward the front and the back at the same time. Backwards and forwards from the middle, nothing makes sence till the further away from the middle you get. I thought I was going insane untill I came across this..

"Near life experience: The sudden, total, and complete awareness of the passage of time. When you exist completely in the moment, you are now here, meaning you've found the nothing in the middle of nowhere, which is the void through mind into gnosis.
Nihilize. Nothing is, nothing becomes, nothing is not. This is an inversion of IAO, which can be remembered as Intention, Attention, and Outcome, the three stages of spellcraft. It is also to be in touch with the Tao. Absofuckinglutely the best time to fire and forget." -chaosmagic.com

I feel like I've been awakened in so many aspects. It's strange to think my biggest fear is what has empowered me. I'm still so afraid of it to tell the truth. Chaos. I just can't see there being chaos without fear. Since we are afraid of what we don't understand. And chaos is incomprehensable.

Current mood: indescribable

(7 thoughts | scar me)

10:01PM - The final step in evolution, de-evolution.

part 2- Reincarnation
Sometimes you have to take a few steps back to go forward.
When you have experienced everything there is to experience, when your everything you could ever be, you can take a few steps backwards and stumble down another path, perhaps with different unforeseeable experiences and renewed, grow again to something different.

part 1- Universal
The all-knowings last step in evolution is to have a purpose for questions.
The 'whole', separated, divided itself into infinite individualised consciousness. Confined in this separation. Trying to create unforeseeable experiences. Hiding the answers so the questions can be created.

It's created a situation where it's still evolving be devolving.

(2 thoughts | scar me)

1:36PM - the 'universe'

The void realised it was consciousness
It is everything and nothing,
Every moment as one,
Complete ecstasy and complete despair,
There is no purpose.
There need not be purpose.
There need not be a reason for which something exists. It does and it doesn't exist, because everything and nothing are one.
There is no such thing as reason in the universe, why does there need to be a motive for an action when every moment is one.

It's the owing link to despair that pushes for the need of a purpose. Some aspect of the universe, the void, craves a purpose.
It has created many intricate 'realities' in which it must conquer. It is all the answers, and it's need is to create questions.
We are all part of the universe, the void, "we" are these seemingly hopeless flaws that have been disconnected 'consciously' from the 'whole' universe, to create questions. But the answers are apart of us. 'Our' only flaw is that we crave to be flawed.

(scar me)

11:37AM

If I could be Anything in the world,
I'd be irony.

(scar me)

11:25AM - old poem i found

crushing on an abstract sin,
skin drips from bone
under passions acid,
love upsets.

when reality folds,
facing the sunset of torments,
when the sky falls,
can we die holding hands?

I sip your beauty
secure,
the luxury of tears,
symphony of simplicity.

love at first bite,
time stops,
trace the scars,
laced lines of extasy


edit:
_{don't think i like it anymore}

Current mood: blah

Current music: Mnemic- zero gravity

(scar me)

3:54PM

I want to taste your mind
My everything that is nothing is the remembrance of warmth between us.

Can you see past the dead in my eyes?

Current mood: lonely

Current music: Devin Townsend

(1 thought | scar me)

3:57PM

I screamed into the void
and there was nothing,
no one
I was utterly utterly alone
now i carry it inside me,
I feel it grow

(3 thoughts | scar me)

11:10PM

"Charon, in Greek mythology, is the ferryman of the dead. The souls of the deceased are brought to him, and Charon ferries them across the river Acheron. He only accepts the dead which are buried or burned with the proper rites, and if they pay him a coin for their passage.
Charon is the son of Erebus and Nyx (son and daughter of Chaos). He is depicted as an sulky old man, or as a winged demon carrying a double hammer. He is similar to the Etruscan (Charun-The demon of death" )



_{"I am the shapeless, the deathless, remorseless
Forever and ever tonight
I'm feeling hollow again
I am the mother, the father, the killer of light"}

Current mood: curious

Current music: acid bath- dead girl

(scar me)

11:32PM

"And beyond that abyss I saw a place which had no firmament of the heaven above, and no firmly founded earth beneath it: there was no water upon it, and no birds, but it was a waste and horrible place. I saw there seven stars like great burning mountains, and to me, when I inquired regarding them, The angel said: 'This place is the end of heaven and earth: this has become a prison for the stars and the host of heaven. And the stars which roll over the fire are they which have transgressed the commandment of the Lord in the beginning of their rising, because they did not come forth at their appointed times. And He was wroth with them, and bound them till the time when their guilt should be consummated (even) for ten thousand years."

[reading book on Enoch]

(scar me)

11:08PM

♥

...=(

(scar me)

10:56PM

"~Silence reigns, and everyone gets wet except me who is wrapped deep in thought.~"

(scar me)

1:29PM

Why, as limitless beings have we chosen to experience this limitedness?
Because we've simply experienced everything else?
Or am I thinking in reverse,
must we experience limitedness before limitlessness
do the flesh bodies birth the soul, or did we give birth to these bodies to experience this physical plane.
I suppose there's no answer as the concept of time and lateral order are non-existant to the incoporeal.
...What a marvelous invention time was to accompany the physical plane to emphasise confinement...

The questions are more important than the answers,
questions are creations,

Current mood: insomnia sucks arse

(2 thoughts | scar me)

6:45PM - webcam= RIP ;(

Current mood: blah

Current music: Dry Kill Logic- Rot

(2 thoughts | scar me)